I found Bruce rather by accident about 6 years ago while running errands for my grieving grandmother. She had just lost her third child (of six) and asked me to deliver various payments and run general errands around town.
I found myself at the florist placing orders for the funeral, painfully selecting "elegant but not too flashy" thank you cards, dropping a check off for an urn, and lastly paying the gas bill (Don't be late! That's due! {not for another two weeks it wasn't} It'll ruin my credit if I'm late!)
My grandmother was the queen of early. She had me convinced that my inspection and registration stickers actually expired the month PRIOR to what the sticker indicates. I would hurriedly rush to the mechanic for an inspection on the 31st of the month, out of breath- "Please don't take me to jail!"
My college roommate discovered what I'd been doing and she set the record straight.
Ironically, empowered with this new lackadaisy attitude about inspections I let it go a bit too long and received a ticket. Which I promptly forgot about. I was later pulled over again (for the same inspection sticker) and was jailed for the previously issued ticket.
Shoulda listened to grandma.
As I was driving the once familiar roads of Decatur, TX to the gas company (Don't be late!) I realized a few things. For starters, two lane roads are terrifying. Period. At any moment some jack ass can swerve into your lane without so much as a row of trees, or a concrete separation, or anything to slow them down. And secondly, puppies are cute no matter how much they're puking on you.
The meter readers at the gas company had found a box containing 7 puppies in the field earlier that day. When I presented the bill and check to the receptionist (gotta love a local natural gas company!) she asked if I wanted to see the puppies. I was hesitant (at least that's what I told my two roommates at the time) but something called to me. Now, maybe it was his constant crying, or the cut below his left eye but I was instantly drawn to this little black and white scrapper. He wasn't with any of his brothers or sisters and was very interested in the people milling around. I patted his head and he puked. I stayed a few more minutes but then needed to go on my way.
I walked through the glass door and got into my car. I looked up as I was putting the car into reverse and saw that pukey puppy with his little filthy paws on the door trying to follow me. I sighed, put it in park and jogged back to the door and scooped him up and gave a little wave to the receptionist.
I now had a dog.
As cute as the puking was to me, it turned out Bruce was ill. Very ill. Natural selection was doing its part to take the 5 week old out I was fighting worm and parasite to keep him in. There were injections, creams, pills, worm extractions (which really freaked all my neighbors out. There I was, middle of winter with latex gloves pulling long worms out of a sickly looking puppie's asshole. No wonder they never waived, or shook my hand for that matter.)
After two months I had myself a physically healthy, grossly codependent pup. I named him Bruce Ignatius. I told him I would never again pull anything out of his arse.
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~Cousin Vanessa