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Valet-ho!

Throughout our lives we artists will have many jobs. Most of these jobs will not be as an artist, either. We will peddle coffee, children's clothes, and even deliver rubber stamps as Michael Musto did. David Sedaris made a name for himself with the "Santa land Diaries" after working as Crumpet the Elf at Macy's. And Charles Bukowski is probably the most famous employee of the Post Office. Not to be confused with most INfamous postal employee Patrick Sherill from Edmond, Oklahoma. 

We writers and "artistes" will do almost anything to pay the rent and keep our internet connected. In step with this not particularly unique plight, I too, have had my fair share of bizzarre and annoying jobs. I've worked as an assistant to a mind-numbingly irritating inventor, booked hair appointments at a salon (kill me), and most recently, I have joined the ranks of the many, the humble, the valets. As a driver who has totalled two vehicles, has night blindness, and has almost zero experience driving anything bigger than a Ford Focus it was only a natural that I would accept a job parking very large, very expensive vehicles. At night. 

I've been on the job just two days so far and I'm proud to say I have not effed up one single vehicle. I have been eye balled by very protective men while I try to figure out how to put their Mercedes into drive. (This is seriously not as obvious as one might think.) I have listened to a gaggle of Ed Hardy wearing d-bags dissect my appearance to figure out whether or not I was "gay". (Apparently, being a female valet makes you gay, pig tails make you straight, and wearing a sports bra makes you gay. Here's a clue creep-o's who are looking way too closely at my chest- I RUN and get your car. These D-cups need to be restrained during this process!)

I'm looking forward to gathering material next weekend when I park cars for the celebrities that are flying in to Dallas for the Super Bowl. I wonder what kind of car Usher's people drive. Also, if you are a hip-hop musician- I will put your demo in his car for 100 bucks. Let's go ahead and add music promoter/hustler to my list of odd jobs while we're at it. 

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